Self-doubt

Miles not sleeping makes me doubt my parenting skills. After 2 nights of hourly waking and one night of 2 hours of waking, I begin to wonder if those people who told me I just need to try ‘tough love’ and let him cry are right.  Am I causing him to not be able to sleep because I go to him and soothe him or because I carry him around for 2 hours at night?  Should I just stick him in his crib and let him cry and not listen?  Certainly that’s what I felt like doing last night.  And I MAY have left him to fuss while I went to the bathroom. And MILDLY RAISED VOICES MAY have been used once or twice.

But he’s only a baby. He’s only 7 months old and for his whole life he has had someone respond to him even if it was the middle of the night. And I have also heard of moms whose high-need kids (I have decided I prefer the word ‘particular’) are two and STILL not sleeping well through the night.  That means I may still have another year and a half of this.

Tonight I’m going to try the co-sleeper that one of my cousins lent me.  Miles sleeps most soundly (which still isn’t very) when he’s sleeping his tummy (DON’T TELL ANYONE! DANGER! DANGER!  BACK TO SLEEP IS BEST!) but he also seems to sleep better lately when he’s next to me and I won’t let him sleep on his tummy when he’s in bed with me. So I’ll try the co-sleeper and see if that helps AT ALL.  I’ve been trying to resist keeping him from being an all-night nurser, just as I tried to resist nursing him to sleep for his naps.  Well, the not nursing to sleep for naps went by the wayside and night nursing may too unless when he’s at arm’s reach, I can reach over and pat him back to sleep instead of feeding him like he’ll do when he’s right next to me.

(Confession:  when he was only a few months old and would wake up in the middle of the night, I would PAT HIM BACK TO SLEEP without nursing!  I felt horrible later but it was more of an instinct…just a few more minutes before we nurse. And actually I attribute that to him only needing to feed once a night now.  And OBVIOUSLY he was not starving to death.)

I’ll let you know how it goes.  If I can still make my fingers type after TONIGHT’S episode. 

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