Parenting: A Job Description

You have probably seen this but I found it hilarious:

 PARENT                                 
                              Job Description                             
                                                                           
                                POSITION :                               
                            Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma                           
                      Dad, Daddy, Dada, PaPa, Pa, Pop                     
                                                                           
                              JOB DESCRIPTION :                           
                                                                           
              Long term, team players needed, for challenging,             
                            permanent work in an                           
                        often chaotic environment.                       
              Candidates must possess excellent communication             
              and organizational skills and be willing to work             
          variable hours, which will include evenings, nights and weekends         
                    and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.                   
            Some overnight travel required, including trips to           
  primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments 
                            in far away cities.                            
                      Travel expenses not reimbursed                     
                  Extensive courier duties also required.                 
                                                                           
                            RESPONSIBILITIES :                           
                                                                           
                          The rest of your life.                         
            Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,           
                          until someone needs $5.                         
                Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.               
                Also, must possess the physical stamina of a               
                                  pack mule                               
        and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat       
                    in case, this time, the screams from                   
              the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.             
          Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,       
        such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets       
                            and stuck zippers.                           
              Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and             
            coordinate production of multiple homework projects.           
          Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings         
                for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.               
              Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,           
                        an embarrassment the next.                       
            Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a         
      half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.     
        Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.     
              Must assume final, complete accountability for             
                      the quality of the end product.                     
            Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and           
                  janitorial work throughout the facility.                 
                                                                           
                  POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :               
                                                                           
                                    None.                                 
        Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without     
        complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,       
          so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you         
                                                                           
                            PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :                         
                                                                           
                        None required, unfortunately.                       
      On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.     
                                                                           
                          WAGES AND COMPENSATION :                          
                                                                            
                          You pay them,                        
                    Even offering them frequent raises and bonuses.                 
            A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 due to 
                the assumption that college will help them             
                      become financially independent.                     
                When you die, you give them whatever is left.              
   You will actually enjoy this and wish you could only do more.         
                                                                           
                                BENEFITS :                               
                                                                           
              While no health or dental insurance, no pension,             
              no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and             
                        no stock options are offered;                     
      this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,     
                            unconditional love,                           
      and free hugs and kisses for life, cards are played correctly.     
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                  ** ADDENDUM: NO RETIREMENT  —  EVER!!! **

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. natalie
    Jun 19, 2008 @ 10:44:46

    yeah…i feel that way exactly. i need a break!

    Reply

  2. ~m
    Jun 19, 2008 @ 18:39:35

    Hm, I don’t think there’s any vacation time, either…unless it’s called The Kids Get to go to Grandma and Grandpa’s

    Reply

  3. Lisa
    Jun 19, 2008 @ 22:42:03

    My cousin calls that Grandma Camp–her kids go every year.

    Reply

  4. ~m
    Jun 20, 2008 @ 08:00:01

    Hm, Lisa, is it only a yearly camp or are there also quarterly or semi-annual sessions? 😀

    Reply

  5. The Mom
    Jun 23, 2008 @ 07:05:22

    O.K., you two. I get the hint!

    Reply

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