Open Letter on the Topic of Your Fireworks Shenanigans

Dear Idiot:

To Whom It May Concern:

It has come to our attention that you lack a brain have some difficulty with your calender-reading abilities. For example, last night you were perhaps under the impression that it was the Fourth of July. Your outrageous, extensive, loud and intensely angering vigorous and energetic imbecilic patriotic displays last night lead us also to believe that perhaps you are under the mistaken impression that you are the fire department and are therefore in fact qualified and indeed obligated to provide fireworks displays in your backyard that rival the city’s own display.

You are not, however, the fire department. I doubt that you are even any kind of pyrotechnics expert. What you ARE is an (insert expletive here) idiot who is under the impression that the Fourth, like Christmas, ought to be celebrated with as much gusto as possible as EARLY as possible and to that I must say that you, sir, are an ass.

May the restless awakening of every teething baby who has ever lived and who has been woken from a sound slumber by firework rockets that shook their house be upon your head for ever more and may all your fingers fall off and your eyebrows be irrevocably singed.

Truly and sincerely pissed off at you yours,

Mama of Miles

Something That Wakes Up Teething Infants


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sharon
    Jun 30, 2008 @ 00:18:31

    I share your outrage, ma’am. Morons.


  2. The Mom
    Jun 30, 2008 @ 07:07:06

    It’s definitely time for you to high-tail it to our quiet little sub-division. We have a few going off, but at least they don’t shake the house!


  3. dana wyzard
    Jun 30, 2008 @ 18:26:21

    Every year at this time, our dog stops pooping. Well, I too have a hard time squatting in the yard to do MY business with firecrackers going off at inopportune times. Maybe we’ll start using their yards.


  4. bejewell
    Jul 02, 2008 @ 11:34:30

    Funny, isn’t it… I actually used to ENJOY holidays like the 4th of July and New Years Eve in the pre-Bean days. Now? HATE ’em.

    We’ve got the weeklong fireworks well after 10PM people in our neighborhood, too. I want to punch them in the balls.


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