Mrs. Grumpy Crankypants Loses Her Mind. Again.

This is Mrs. Grumpy Crankypants’ brain.



Cracked. But still whole.




This is Mrs. Grumpy Crankypants’ brain at 1:33 a.m. after being up since 11:03 trying in vain to get young Master Fussy Crankypants back to sleep.









Mrs. G. C. woke from a sound hour’s sleep to a fussying F. C. and despite all the wine in the world interventions did not herself get back to sleep until 1:33 a.m., at which point MR. G.C. was called in to take over.


Mrs. G.C. tried nursing. Mrs. G.C. tried patting. And shushing. And Hairdryer.  And, for a little while, Master F.C. returned to the Land of Morpheus, however fitfully. But finally Mrs. G.C.  thought that perhaps Master F.C.’s teeth were hurting him so she dosed him with some wine Tylenol.  But at this point (precisely: 12:17 a.m.), Master F.C. was UP.  He also expected Mrs. G.C. to be UP (precisely: to be UP walking the Young Master while he farted looked around the very dark room in which there was nothing to see but don’t let that stop you oh, no.). 


Mrs. G.C. tried walking. She tried making the Young Master F.C. go night-night in his bed. She tried putting the Young Master in his bed with a wide variety of his wine toys whilst she got some zzz’s.  She tried crying. A lot.


But all, all was in vain.


And as Mrs. G.C. walked the Young Master and cried, Mrs. G.C.’s thighs seemed to double in size and her belly seemed even more floppy and she sobbed that she would never again get to exercise because she lacks the energy to do anything more strenuous than lift a glass of wine shovel chocolate into her mouth type on her blog during her down-times throughout the day. And Mrs. G.C. remembered all the skinny people at the wedding last weekend and she vividly remembered how not-skinny she looked in some of the photos.


And she cried some more.


And Mrs. G.C. also thought about how tired she was and how for 10 months she has been Very Very Tired. And little rivulets of tears meandered down her cheeks.


And finally Mrs. G.C. got her brain in gear and went and drank some wine called in the back-up reinforcements of Mr. G.C., who continued to walk with the Young Master UP for another hour while Mrs. G.C. downed another quart of wine got some shut eye for a few hours before the Young Master wanted to drink wine eat again.


And Mrs. G.C. awoke this morning in a puddle of her own milk because she had only been nursing on one side. But since it was 8 o’clock and not 6 as usual, she hardly minded at all.



Don’t cry over spilled milk.


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Amberlina
    Jul 25, 2008 @ 10:53:49

    I ALMOST feel guilty for laughing. Almost.


  2. Sharon
    Jul 25, 2008 @ 12:04:34

    Oh, Mrs. Grumpy Crankypants, we love you to excess, and we remember feeling large and unattractive at events where others were skinny and unemcumbered by fussy infants. But we still think you are gorgeous and the best mother in the world, and someday Mr. Fussy Crankypants will be able to change out of them slacks himself. And now I am REALLY hungry for an egg. A fried one.


  3. Jenn
    Jul 25, 2008 @ 12:08:29

    You know, I don’t usually enjoy friends’ blogs when they primarily talk about their kids, (since I don’t have any and can’t relate,) but your creative style and excellent writing skills keep me coming back again and again! So thanks for the laughs, though I’m sorry it’s at your expense…


  4. ~m
    Jul 25, 2008 @ 14:53:51

    AM: Mrs GC says, Laugh now. Your turn is coming.

    Sharon: I am glad you understand and yet STILL love me. And Mr Fussy Crankypants is heaps better than he was but I still like to have the sympathy.

    Jenn: Did I tell you how much I love you recently? Please feel free to continue feeding my ego anytime.


  5. natalie
    Jul 25, 2008 @ 17:25:40

    that was great! i remember those days and am so glad that is all they are…a distant memory!


  6. Sharon
    Jul 26, 2008 @ 00:19:14

    Nucgekem oops, that’s how you type Michele with your right hand one key to the left of “home” position. Anyway, MICHELE, DOXIE IS BACK!!!!! Did you know that???? If you did, why did you not tell me????? But she and Dukay are nor more. Sob. And why am I typing this here instead of sending you an e-mail? Oh yeah, it would be so much trouble to actually log into my e-mail account.


  7. ~m
    Jul 26, 2008 @ 09:25:26

    SHaron: I KNOW! And I was going to tell you but I forgot and it is truly sad that they aren’t together anymore and I question his sanity for not wanting to spend the rest of his life w/ Miss Doxie because I DO but I’m glad she is back and over his sorry ass.


  8. Mrs. G.
    Jul 27, 2008 @ 16:14:27

    Some days you just have to write off and drink more-oh, damn, you’re nursing. Eat chocolate.


  9. ~m
    Jul 27, 2008 @ 16:29:00

    Mrs G: OH LET ME TELL YOU about how much chocolate I eat. Except, no. I won’t embarrass myself further.


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