Awkward. Times two.

This past weekend I went to a picnic.

While there I managed to sustain a two-inch long scrape with accompanying contusions on my knee.

From running into a picnic table.

No lie.

You know, because picnic tables are such small things.

I’m smooooth like that.

That is just one example of a long and not very illustrious history of awkwardness and bodily mismanagement. (I was going to post a picture but I figured you actually wouldn’t get past the leg hair stubble so I didn’t post it after all)  Hand and eye coordination is not, unhappily, my strength. Nor is eye and leg or eye and foot or leg and foot or really any combination involving one body part with another. Although, I do have to say hand and mouth coordination, I have that down, yes, indeed.

The number of times I have run my toe or my foot or my leg into some kind of obstacle is practically stunning.  I bet it is some kind of world record. Any kind of sport involving coordination…which, I guess, would be EVERY sport…is pretty much a closed book for me.  The brilliant bruises that I amassed during my years as a student of the (world’s most kick-ass) martial art Hwa Rang Do were stellar. Ask Amber, she can attest to that. I would often inflict sight of them on her over a cup of coffee at Cafe Americano (I THINK that’s the name).

I can trip over thin air.  If there is something to be run into, I will find it. Most likely with a lower extremity.

It took me all of 10 seconds on a skateboard (and I use the word “on” in its loosest sense, as in “close proximity to” or “slightly near”) to sustain an ankle break so vicious that the orthopedic surgeon presented me with 2 plates and 16 screws as well as his commendation for looking as though I had been in a car accident.  The plates and screws, he let me keep. In my ankle. He was nice that way.

All this and it is really quite amazing that I haven’t been hurt worse. AND, they let me go home with a baby that I have to carry around quite a bit. That also may have been a mistake altho I’m not going to mention that too loudly.


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Amberlina
    Sep 09, 2008 @ 12:43:34

    I attest to the bruises and injuries sustained. I have seen them. Poor Michele! I’m the same way, but I misjudge my body width and have ever present hip and thigh bruises. Poor us!


  2. Sheon er Sharon
    Sep 10, 2008 @ 00:59:48

    Have you not seen the ugly knobby scar on my ugly knobby knee? I got it when I decided to race my friends in the alley between the junior high and senior high school buildings. I tripped over my own two feet, nothing more, and caused enough damage that a trip to the emergency room was required for stitches, and the dr. kept saying, “Now HOW did you do this?” See, dear beanpaste ladies, we are sisters indeed in our poor bruised and uncoordinated bodies. (Also, I am terrified of the ball in every ball sport.)


  3. ~m
    Sep 10, 2008 @ 12:55:40

    I, too, am terrified of balls from ball sports. Even if I am not a participant, chances are very great that I will get hit with said ball, usually on the head. because I cannot deflect flying objects very well either (hand/eye thing)


  4. bejewell
    Sep 11, 2008 @ 20:51:06

    Look at you, with your new blog look! Verrrry nice. You are super chic. Yes, I realize this outs me as a terrible blogging friend, because clearly I haven’t been over here in a while. Sorry, but life, you know – it gets in the way sometimes.

    So on the clumsy thing, I hate to break it to you, but you’ve got nothin’ on me. I broke two toes in April because I had a fight with our back porch step and guess who won? No, it didn’t jump out at me. Yes, I’ve taken that step a million times before. No, I don’t know what is wrong with me.


  5. Trackback: Feeling Scarlett’s Pain
  6. Auds at Barking Mad
    Sep 11, 2008 @ 22:10:11

    I’m awful, I haven’t been here in ages. But hey, I can totally commiserate…do you know anyone else who falls UP the stairs?

    I’m also the one who trips over nothing….IN HER SLEEP! Yeah, try and top that one.

    Just be happy you haven’t glued yourself to your steering wheel, or entangled your hair in the vacuum cleaner.


  7. Trackback: Feeling Scarlett’s Pain | The Bean
  8. ~m
    Sep 12, 2008 @ 08:47:59

    Bejewell, I have a cousin who broke his arm when he fell off the sofa. No lie. I guess it kind of runs in our family. The best part was he was so embarrassed he would make up stories about it and say he got hit by a car or something really dramatic.

    Auds, um, I think you win. Seriously. Bejewell and I may revel in our klutzery but you are, undoubtedly, the queen. specially tripping over nothing your sleep. that’s impressive.


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