Open Letter to the Weather

Dear Weather:

It has come to my abrupt attention recently that you are under the eggregiously erroneous idea that the Ohio River Valley is The South.  Allow me to correct this. It is NOT the South.

I do not nor will I ever again live in The South for many reason, most of which relate to you, o Weather.  And also? To bugs. Big bugs. Which I hate.

And because this is NOT The South, but, rather, the Midwest, hurricanes are not, by all that is typical, supposed to come visit here, there being, you see, no OCEAN very near.

In ‘artfor, ‘ereford, and ‘ampshire, ‘urricanes ‘ardly hever ‘appen. And also the American Midwest.

The American Middle West is ill-equipped to deal with hurricane gales. Severe thunderstorms? Yes. Hail. No problem.  Snowstorms. Meh (except when you live in a city, like I do, that THINKS it is The South and does not therefore understand how to drive in snow. But it is NOT The South. Really.). Ice? Ha!  Tornados! Bring it! No, wait. You can keep the tornados, as well.

But hurricanes really are adding insult to injury. If we HAVE to live in the Midwest, at least let us live hurricane-free.

Yours truly,

Mrs. Fussy Crankypants
Member and President
Keep the Hurricanes Out of the Midwest.
“Hey, hey! Ho, ho!  Midwest hurricanes have to go!”


Sorry about the glare. Somebody forgot to turn off the flash.
This tree wants to fly away like a bird. It didn’t. Lots of them in our neighborhood tried. And failed.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. nikkip
    Sep 16, 2008 @ 20:21:05

    very few of those trees failed in our neighborhood…hence, no power for three days and no school for the girls until thursday. i, on the other hand, have work because of the childcare that comes when parents pay $20k/yr for their children’s education. 🙂


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