the great depression


on and off i’ve been feeling kind of down over the past week or two. ok, not just kind of, a LOT, here and there, give or take. 

there are too many things going through my head. this is just a randomly-ordered list of the questions I’m obsessing  worrying over currently:

  • the future of the nation and/or the economy
  • the upcoming elections
  • sleep
  • BPA, parabens and pthalates: they are in everything, unavoidable, like a modern plague. plastic toys, carpets, mattresses, cans of soup, water bottles, baby bottles/sippy cups/teethers for crying out loud! who thinks up these messes?
  • living green/organically without going broke: because i can’t afford to shop at Whole Paycheck Foods or install chemical-free flooring or install solar or geothermal HVAC systems or grey-water recycling or buy wool mattresses or etc etc etc
  • chemicals and pesticides in the food we eat
  • sleep
  • humane and ethical treatment of animals raised for food
  • child slavery that is fueling the chocolate obsession
  • carob doesn’t REALLY taste like chocolate
  • sleep
  • how can my son ever learn patience when his mom is such an impatient something-that-rhymes-with-witch?
  • sustainability in agriculture and industry
  • is it normal to want to not be a mom sometimes?
  • leaving a legacy of a broken environment for my kids and grandkids to deal with
  • sleep
  • why can’t my stupid cats just GET ALONG already?
  • i don’t think i’m cut out for this mom thing. i never even liked babysitting, for crying out loud.
  • the economic burden my kids will face thanks to the funding of the Iraq war through the selling of foreign debt
  • will my son EVER stop teething?
  • sleep
  • why does he need so little sleep?
  • why is he so gorgeously marvelous (especially when he’s asleep?)?

I’m sure there’s more, it just depends on the day or the hour or how much Fussy there has been or how few naps. 

I guess these mostly deal with things I can’t do very much about. it doesn’t stop me from worrying about it and trying to find answers and make the best decisions.

humans always need something to worry about. at least i’m not worrying (yet) about how to feed my son (just worried about the chemicals he’s taking in!) or if i’ll have electricity or running water tomorrow or whether a neighboring country will invade or civil war will break out. or plague.

like i said, there’s always something to worry about, isn’t there?


6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. natalie
    Oct 21, 2008 @ 04:25:51

    i can totally relate to this. well most of it. i am not too concerned about the economy, or the chemicals in my food, or child slavery. my concerns are mostly of the what-about-me type because i am a selfish word that rhymes with witch. and like you said…once my mind starts down that path it is hard to stop it.

    hope things start looking up. that you get some sleep. that m gets some sleep. and that your cats give each other some lovin’!


  2. ~m
    Oct 21, 2008 @ 08:04:48

    thanks, Natalie! yeah, there’s always something to worry about, isn’t there? I thought you were right on when you talked about the day when you just went out and did stuff and kept busy. that is always a cure for me, too, to just keep going and keep my mind focused elsewhere.


  3. The Mom
    Oct 21, 2008 @ 09:28:00

    Chele, you’re alot like your mom. I have dealt with a LOT of depression in my life (some of it warranted; some of it self-induced). Hormone replacement therapy alleviated much of it, so I think mine was hormone related. But the tendency is certainly aggrevated by sleep-deprivation and being the primary care-giver of a very active infant, and feeling like you don’t have a life anymore. Some days all you can do is hang in there. It will get better, but not nearly soon enough. Cry when you need to; laugh when you can; and don’t feel guilty about having perfectly human emotions. As long as you are meeting Miles’ needs (and you are), he really doesn’t care if you are laughing or crying. Do you remember my depressions when you were an infant/toddler? Of course not (thankfully!).

    Choose your mental battles wisely. Some things aren’t worth fretting over because they are way beyond your power to do anything about – other people are actually getting paid to worry about and fix them. Choose one or two things you can actually influence at this point in your life and sweep the rest off your radar.

    And always remember, I LOVE YOU, no matter what state of mind you may be in!


  4. Lil Bro B-dawg
    Oct 21, 2008 @ 15:03:41

    …and I love you, too!


  5. Stella Blue
    Oct 21, 2008 @ 15:39:08

    I second what your mom said – do what you can about what you can control, and try to let the rest go. If you ever need to get out of the house with Miles, drop me a line. I’m off on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and we usually go to the park or story time or something.


  6. ~m
    Oct 21, 2008 @ 18:49:00

    Geez, thanks, you guys! Mom and B, I love you, too, and am glad you are there for me. I’m glad B and I didn’t drive you to drink, Mom, when we were Miles’s age 🙂 (or maybe we did and you’re just not sayin’)
    Stella Blue, thanks. I just might take you up on that one of these days. I’m sure Miles would like that, too.
    I know I need to pick my issues and work on that and let the rest go but sometimes all the things you want to work on kind of overwhelm…well, usually when you are tired and tired of the Fussy 🙂
    Anyway, glad y’all are listening. That helps, too! 😀


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