Open Letter to the Internets

Dear Intewebs:

It’s been a long time coming.  For many and lo a long time now one has been aware of your insidiousness.  How you waste one’s time. How you purvey a vast variety and assortment of information that can be misleading or entertaining or enlightening or malicious. 

How you lure one in with your promises of fame and filthy lucre. How you promise to connect one to those far and wide, to those one knows and those one does not. How you disseminate the rich, abundant, exotic, intoxicating genius of people all throughout the globe, people writing wry or amusing or heart-rending or touching or everyday accounts of their journey through life.

You are NOT Life, though, Interwebs, even though you would like us to believe you are.  You suck one in and before one knows it…poof!  an entire hour wasted when all one wanted was a look at the weather.  Want to check email?  Haha!  Half an hour later one is still looking at one’s friends’ Facebook statuses.  Need a recipe?  Haha!  One is enveloped by the glowing, cozy potential goodness of a myriad of recipes for..what? French toast. Quiche. Hot brown. You name it.

Interwebs, you are not fair. You display the talent of all the, well, talented and interesting individuals living here and here and here and here and here and definitely here and here, making one realize how absolutely bland, dull and unwitty one truly is.

Yes, interwebs, one was a band nerd.  One was in school plays and, ahem, musicals. Yes, one was a dork. Yes, one still IS a dork but really, Interwebs, is there such need to rub one’s nose in one’s own filthy mediocrity? All one asks for, really, is a little pat on the back now and then. Is it really so hard?  Sadly, Interwebs, all those fine individuals that live in you are far, far beyond one’s own paltry reach.

One sighs. One can do no more.  Except, Interwebs, to try to resist your lure, you naughty, naughty Interwebs, you.

Sincerely,

It’s-far-and-away-past-time-for-bed-so-why-is-one-continuing-to-waste-time-anyway?

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. The Arrow
    Nov 12, 2008 @ 21:10:47

    I LOVE this. What do I do every day after staring at a screen for 9 hours? Stare some more at home! At least now I know I’m not the only one with this mysterious affliction 🙂

    Reply

  2. ~m
    Nov 13, 2008 @ 10:05:51

    Arrow, you are SO right! I think it is some kind of addiction!

    Reply

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