Don’t divorce me

Please don’t divorce me after reading this post.

I’m not here to talk about human sexuality or legality or morality or any other ‘-ality’. I’m not here to talk about terminology or sociology or any other ‘-ology’.

What I AM here to talk about is divorce.

I followed a link on a friend’s Facebook site to the flickr photo campaign against Proposition 8.

It showed pictures of happy families with their children and happy couples with their pets and in every photo there was a tag asking for them to not be divorced.

Now, the State of California should get its act together and quit jerking these people around. These are real folks that are being affected by this and one way or another they need to quit being held in limbo.

However, I found myself getting angrier and angrier as I viewed each family photo. 

Judging by the age of most of the kids, their parents had been together a lot longer than their legal right to marry has been. And, I may be going out on a limb here, but even if their right to a legal marriage is revoked, these couples are probably  not going to break up home and family and go their separate ways. If love does indeed conquer all, then this will not break them apart or up or down.

And so, these pictures of the little Susies and the little Johnnys with their sad faces or their happy faces imploring the general public to not divorce their families, these little kids will not actually have to suffer what millions of kids suffer when their parents do divorce, as in actual, knock-down, drag-out, leave-taking divorce.

As in Susie will not have to watch anxiously as Mama tries desperately to keep the family intact and to keep Mother from leaving.

Susie’s heart will not bleed for Johnny, who is younger, who hasn’t cultivated an armor of teen angst to protect him against the fatal fracture of his safe world.

Susie will not have to watch Mother pack a suitcase, will not have to listen to Mother come say some spiel (but only because Mama forced her to have to face her children and face what she is doing to them) about wishing she had had the courage to ‘end it all’ instead of leaving, all the while knowing that these were just words, empty and meaningless, that if Mother really wanted to, really cared, she would stay and mend the wounds.

Susie will not see all the physical trappings of her world up to now, the things she grew up with, the things that were just ‘the family’s’ are now divided and split apart and taken away.

Susie will not watch her Mama trying to cope with her new, unwanted, unasked for reality, with single parenthood, with trying to maintain a semblance of stability for her children.

Susie will not have to deal with Mother’s foot-dragging regarding child support or help with college.

Susie will not have to deal with a Mother who never, ever admits that what she did was wrong, that what she did was harmful to anyone, that what she did had consequences and completely devastated the family that existed before, who expects forever after that her relationships with Susie and Johnny should continue as before, as if there were never any rejection or abandonment.

Susie will never have to feel abandoned or rejected.

Susie will never have to deal with the fact that every holiday, every life event, every celebration will now be a balancing act, tinged with awkwardness that will never go away, and will never have to feel guilty how much time is spent where or with whom or trying to figure out how to relate maturely, with sensitivity, yet knowing that Mother operates on a different wavelength and probably doesn’t notice.

The Susies and Johnnys in those pictures, their Mamas and Mothers, their Papas and Fathers, they may not have a piece of paper from the state of California but their Mamas and Mothers, their Papas and Fathers will not be ‘divorced’. 

You don’t need a piece of paper to keep you together, you don’t need one to be divorced.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. divorce attorney Houston
    Jan 03, 2009 @ 17:18:58

    I have been following this story as well. I agree with you that something needs to get done. I do this line of work for the kids that are impacted. That is who we need to think of at this point.


  2. Sharon
    Jan 05, 2009 @ 14:59:20

    Well said, Michele. Well said.


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