In which Mrs Fussy Crankypants admits to being un-American enough to hate the splash park

Mrs Fussy Crankypants actually kind of hates the splash park.

The Tyrant loves it but Mrs FC hates it.

First, there are the wide variety of Big Kids, kids who barrel around running as fast as they can like loose cannon. What are their parents thinking to let them run like that? Oh, wait, they AREN’T.  They are up on the deck under the trees gossiping with each other and not paying a bit of attention to the fact that their huge enormous bowling balls of kids are just about to take out Mrs FC’s Little Kingpin.

Then there’s the Little Kingpin himself. He pretty much goes at one speed–fast–his chubby little legs chug-chug-chugging along and his head bent to the ground so he can watch his cute little be-sandled feet and NOT the near-death experiences clothed in Big Kid forms that threaten to smash into him at every turn.  The whole experience is one big reflexive whince for Mrs FC as the countless number of near-misses give her 8 zillion myocardial infarctions.

And of course the whole area is concrete. Concrete covered in water. And we send our kids out to “play” in the “fun”.  Who doesn’t know that wet concrete = fun? Fun at the children’s hospital, that is, which is no kind of fun, Mrs Fussy Crankypants can assure you.

Let us also not forget those vicious hooligans who add insult to very-near injury by standing on the jets of water, thereby spraying streams of cold wetness on everyone but themselves including inoffensive, long-suffering mothers who don’t REALLY want to be wet but are determined to suffer through numerous visions of toddler heads meeting solid concrete just so their Little Kingpins can have a fun afternoon. Mrs FC knows they do it on purpose. They not only hate MRS FC personally, they hate puppies, butterflies, and the universe in general.  She is sure they are juvinile deliquents waiting to happen.

Therefore Mrs FC submits to you proof that she is not only unpatriotic but also curmudgeonly and that she HATES the splash park and all things splashy but that she will probably continue to submit herself to such unmitigated torture because

 

He loves him some water

He loves him some water

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Emily
    Aug 14, 2009 @ 07:57:04

    I totally agree with you! These are my thoughts exactly. 🙂

    Reply

  2. Bejewell
    Aug 14, 2009 @ 13:01:47

    I loathe and despise the Barreling Big Kids. However, I can’t WAIT to one day be their parents. Because a nice shaded area and a cocktail sound like a lovely alternative to that whole “look out he’s so little and if you splash me one more time I WILL STAB YOU” nightmare you just described.

    Reply

  3. The Mom
    Aug 14, 2009 @ 14:07:30

    Eventually the government will get around to banning them because they ARE an accident waiting to happen. (Or at the very least they’ll require seat-belts…for the mothers.)

    Reply

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