My Friend Aki Needs a Husband and What Are YOU Going to Do About It?

So I happen to know the cutest, smartest, funniest and most independent kick-in-the-pants Japanese girl on all the islands over there.

Her name is Aki (oh, wait, no it isn’t but I sure as heck am not going to write her REAL name here for all those freaky freaks out there to google) and last Christmas I sent her a Christmas card and this Christmas she sent ME a Christmas card (we keep in pretty good contact, huh?) and scads of pictures of her looking all cute and trotting around to her friends’ weddings and wedding showers and around Japan and around Bangkok and on the freighter she took to GET to Bangkok and her on her basketball team but with a tear in her eye because she is 31 and a half and isn’t married.

Do you know what it is like to be an Asian woman and be 31 and not be married? It’s like every single person you meet staring with dubious pity like you have 2 heads and asking you when you are going to get married every 8 minutes of every day.

I mean, I guess. Not being an Asian woman in Asia, that is just my rough approximation. Most likely it is worse than that.

Of course, the fact that she is, in fact, the smartest and funniest and most independent might have something to do with the fact that she is, in fact, still unencumbered by a long-term relationship.  It would be easy to say that Japanese men might tend to run away from women like that (but actually I think that MOST men would run away from a woman like that, what with the whole fragile egos and all).

(and also she is really, REALLY funny. I mean, FUNNY. Do you know how hard it is to be funny in another language?  Just think of the last time you tried to tell a joke in Spanish.  How many people laughed?  With you, not at you, that is?  AND humor is also not a very cross-cultural kind of guy. If you think it is, when was the last time you watched a Korean game show?  Was it funny? Or were you just bemused and also kind of scared in a nervous kind of I’m-glad-I’m-not-near-those-people kind of way?)

So if you or someone you love knows of any eligible and super-nice bachelor between 30 and 40 who is willing to undergo rigorous and grueling interviews by ME and also by AMBER, and also SHARON (even though she is in Africa) we would be happy to vet some individuals looking for a relationship with the cutest, funniest, smartest and most independent Japanese girl on the Japanese Islands.

Thank you and good night.

The one on the right. How cute is she?

Still cute, going up.



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Amberlina
    Dec 31, 2009 @ 02:15:14

    She is STILL so freaking cute!! And I can attest to the funny-factor. She is HILARIOUS! Why wouldn’t someone want to marry her? They are ALL idiots. I like that you gave her a fake name. At first, I thought, HOW COULD MICHELE HAVE A FRIEND NAMED AKI AND I DON’T KNOW ABOUT IT? But, then it was very clear. Thank you for the excessive posting.


  2. Sharon
    Jan 06, 2010 @ 12:24:04

    I will vet anyone who needs to be vetted in Tanzania!


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