Last Days

This is the last time I will ever be pregnant and as much as I try to keep that in mind, to keep the perspective that the childbearing phase of my life will soon be over…I’m tired. Yes, I am.  Gestation is hard work, albeit quiet. I don’t complain too much (ok, yes I do) but I’m not one of those women who is in love with being pregnant.  

There’re too many indiginities that come along with it to make it very palatable to me: the weight gain (by the way, I am NOT keen on this new double chin that has developed. Not at ALL), the swelling, the potential health complications, shortness of breath, all the aches, being unable to move naturally. Do you know how stressful it is to almost but not quite make it to the potty with a full bladder…in front of your three year old, who is horrified to see you do something that he does regularly everyday, to wit, wet his pants?  *sigh* 

Sure, it’s kind of cool to feel the baby move but I’m underwhelmed, usually, by all the rest.  I suppose it is a miracle of work that my body is doing, but to me it more feels like biology. Maybe I’m just a cynic.

I am so ready to be done with this…and that is saying something because you know what comes next, right?  Three more years of not sleeping, that’s what comes next. Babies are ok but I’m finding that the older my Tyrant gets, the more fun he becomes.  But maybe it’ll be different this time around, if I’m not so stressed about “OH MY SWEET LORD THERE’S A BABY HERE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT” like I was with the Tyrant.

time will tell. And not too much more time, at that.

To be frank, I look forward to labor and delivery as much for the challenge of it as to get this discomfort over with.  I know. I’m kind of weird that way: that whole, I am woman, hear me roar thing.  I don’t roar too much so I guess popping out a baby all by my ownself is as close to roaring as I can get.

Did you know that the effort of unmedicated childbirth involves the same physical effort and the same endorphin release as climbing a mountain?  Just saying.  it’s the one extreme sport I can do without the risk of breaking another ankle, I guess.

These last few weeks and days have heightened the poignancy of my last days as a dyad with Miles.  it will never again be just the two of us. Of course, the whole motivation for #2 came from providing a playmate, a sibling for him (I have the weirdest reasons for pro-creating…with Miles, it was for the challenge and the growth that can only come through parenting another person.  well, it has been that for sure) so I’m not overwhelmed with sadness nor do I fear that I’ll have enough love to “go around”.  It is just a little bittersweet; he’s been my main guy for the past three years and now it will never be the same.

He’ll always be my first little guy, though.

Look how cute these diapers are though! Thanks, Amber, for the inspiration!

 

Plus some fun new carriers by moi

 

The flip side

 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. The Mom
    Feb 18, 2011 @ 09:14:23

    You go girl!! (Your posts always make a grandmother cry.)

    Reply

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