Monday, Wednesday and Friday.


I have 30 minutes (after H is abed) to go out for a walk/jog (jolk?) (wag?).


Assuming H goes to bed at a decent time.


And it isn’t already dark.


Or raining.


Or there’s too much work to do.


Sometimes I get to go and sometimes not.


It’s hard to get in shape this way.


Troy calls it “relaxercise” since it’s just a wee little time away from the young un’s.


Sometimes I wonder why I stress myself out about it so much. I wonder why I’m working so hard to achieve these goals that I have set up and that I somehow feel like I need to accomplish to raise my children the way they need.


Why not just start working again, part time or full time?  I would at least make enough to pay to put the boys in daycare/preschool.  They’d adjust. Right?  Presumably, since most kids go off to care these days, they would as most kids do.


or just put Little M in school next year. And H a few years after that.  Then I could work full-time, from home, the sound of silence a soothing balm to my ear.  Maybe some time for a coffee that I don’t have to reheat, time to get out to the garden on a lunch break, or a quick walk.  Maybe (probably) even being a better parent, more calm, less shout-y for it. Free to do my own thing again.


Why don’t I do that?


Why do I always take the hard way?




2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sharon
    Sep 08, 2012 @ 11:24:49

    I always dislike it when I ask rhetorical questions on fb or my blog and some fool comes along and tries to answer them so at the risk of sounding foolish, here’s my unsolicited two cents. Only you can identify the balance that you need to optimize the overall health of your family. Is there a middle ground in here? Can you take a long enough break regularly for yourself that you can continue to nurture your boys in the ways that are most important to you? For example, a set # of hours away for you to have uninterrupted coffee twice a week? (I know how difficult this can be to actually implement–when Stephanie was little and I was at home with her, the people I would have felt comfortable leaving her with to give myself a break were also people with small children of their own and just as overloaded with child care as I was.) Wish I could come be auntie at those times to give you a break.


  2. ~m
    Oct 01, 2012 @ 08:11:01

    I wish you could, too, Sharon 🙂 I think that everyone deals with this in the kind of societal set-up we have right now. And it certainly comes and goes. I do need to find a way to balance things, tho, especially when we start homeschooling. I also know it won’t be THIS hard forever. Hugh will be more independent in a few years and that will make a difference I am sure. Meanwhile, thanks for listening to me whine…


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