Melancholia

I’m feeling melancholy this evening because

 

it was a beautiful fall day with a blue autumnal sky and myriad trees that have been painted in artist oil to a perfect blend of warm tones

 

i spent the morning with friends whom i really don’t want to leave behind me

 

we were at a local farm with our kiddies, enjoying the strange bucolic goodness of a working farm surrounded by a major metropolitan area

 

i only discovered this farm through one of the above-mentioned friends about a month ago and am sad that i will have to leave it when my discovery of it is still nascent

 

my poor little son had another rough day, one of many, of every day this past month; he cried when his stick fell in the chicken yard, he (almost) cried when the older boys were playing rough, he cried when the older boys disappeared on him and he didn’t know where they had gone and he couldn’t keep up but wanted to, he cried when he had to walk from the car to the house, he cried when his diaper had to be changed, he cried when…well, you get the picture

 

and while we may have found a potentially good place to live Up North, it will still be a change, with new and unfamiliar shadows and smells and vibes and ways of doing things and i will still need to make a niche for myself and carve out a spot in people’s lives, people who already have friends and who are very busy, despite all their willingness to BE my friend it will still require a period of courtship and emotional jostling before things settle.

 

but it’s ok. it’s not really that bad. i’ll cope and there will be other beautiful fall days, the kind that let you know that as beautiful as it is, it won’t last, it’s ephemeral; though jewel-toned, warm, with honeyed light and clarity, someday it will come to a close

 

and that it’s best to treasure what we do have here and now.