Sunday Edition, Konglish style

I could use real massage.

Doing our best to keep the Medical Practice inBusiness

Last week Miles saw a pediatric opthamologist to determine whether or not he had esotropia of the right eye because his doctor wasn’t sure.

He didn’t, which was determined after about 5 minutes with the opthamologist, who we waited to see for 1.5 hours or so, merely confirming what we knew all along. He’s FINE.

In 14 months, this healthy child has:

spent 5 days in the NICU, 3 of which were spent having a ‘cooling treatment’ (which totally and completely sucked and was, in my professional parental opinion, a useless waste) and included many tubes, wires, monitors and an encephologram

seen 3 neurologists

had an MRI

had a trip to the ER (the only necessary one of the bunch)

seen a hearing specialist

seen 3 lactation consultants, 2 of which were seen multiple times

seen one pediatric opthamologist

had regular and frequent ‘well-baby’ check-ups and been dosed with vaccinations designed to provide short-term immunity against certain diseases

 

And this is for a 14-month old with no history of problems and no health issues. 

 

But at least the doctors have work.

 

Sunday edition, Konglish style

 

Oh, those light poles. they get me every time, too. *sniff*

This Just in

 

In late-breaking news this evening it has just been learned that the Tiny Tyrant, aka Master Fussy Crankypants, has, for the first time ever, put himself to sleep.

 

In a live interview with Mrs. Tyrant, known in other circles as Mrs Grumpy Fussy Crankypants, she reported that, “For the first time ever, the Tiny Tyrant put himself to sleep tonight!”  With a slightly startled and teary eye, she continued, “And it only took 13 months, 3 weeks and 23 hours EXACTLY to the MINUTE for him to learn to do so.”

 

While the Tiny Tyrant nursed, fussed, farted, fumed, squirmed, got walked and talked to himself, Mrs Tyrant finally placed him in his bed and was pleased and stunned as he continued to fuss, fart and talk himself all the way into the land of Morpheus.

 

Wearing a casual bedtime ensemble of yoga pants size Exreme topped by Mr. Tyrant’s 1990s red flannel buttondown, hair neatly pulled back in a ponytail by an antique rhinestone barrette circa her High School Third Year Promenade, Mrs Tyrant paused as if in a brief narcoleptic episode recollection. 

 

“We feel that this strikes a blow against all those ‘sleep trainers’ and cry-it-out advocates out there exerting pressure on tyrants and tyrannical parents everywhere. Certainly if our Tiny Tyrant can finally do it, so can all tyrants around the world, someday, working hand in hand for the greater good of tyrants everywhere.”

 

The Tiny Tyrant was unavailable for comment at the time.

The LOOK

 

Yesterday I went to my local regional chain mega-grocery store to pick up a few things. This particular store happens to have a Starbucks in it, which generally adds to the sweetness of shopping at a chain mega-store that is not Walmart.

This Starbucks is usually staffed by Young People, either high school or college age, usually female. And that is fine.  The experience is the usual laid-back, chilled out Starbucks-coffee-buying experience that it usually is anywhere else in the 50 states and abroad as well.

Except, not yesterday.

Perhaps there were strands of hair that had come out of my ponytail and were wandering about my head in unseemly disarray (there were. I checked when I got to the car.). Perhaps there was lunch left in my teeth (there wasn’t. I checked that, too). Perhaps they thought that a woman wearing a baby was the most dumb, stupid thing of all the dumb, stupid things they had seen in the world.  Perhaps they were just indulging in general Teen and Young Adult Female Angst.

Whatever it was, it got me The Look. You know what I mean. Perhaps you have even used it yourself. It is that look that says, “oh. my. god. just. WHATEVER. ok? just LEAVE already.”  It is The Look that Teen and Young Adult Females are innately gifted with and are born to perfect.

And I was the recipient yesterday.

What goes around comes around, I guess?

Who knows. Just. ok.

WHATEVER.