My Pregnancy is Apparently Your Business?

Relatives:  So how are you FEELing?

You (thinking):  What, apart from the headache and the sciatic pain?  or do you mean the sleeplessness and fatigue?  or the ALREADY GAINING 40 POUNDS AND THERE’S STILL 3 MONTHS LEFT?  Or the I-almost-but-not-quite-made-it-to-the-bathroom-after-that-walk-with-a-full-bladder?  Or the million other indignities suffered bodily by a pregnant woman?

You (say): Oh, fine, everything’s fine.

You (think): and stop looking at my belly or I’m going to SIT on you.